Lately I have found myself at odds with a lot of things. Mostly speaking up for myself in the best way without alienating others. This will more than likely be a lengthy read, so I do apologize in advance, but there are somethings that I have to address.
Firstly I’ll start this post out answering a few questions I am asked almost on a daily basis starting with: why do you play a female avatar when you are a male in real life?
Well children that is a very simple thing to answer: because I want to. I’ve always had a knack for Fashion and Second Life provides me with an outlet for the fashion/feminine/artsy side of my personality to flourish. The manner in which this question is asked is more often than not, hostile. Which brings me to a question that accompanies the first; So you want to be a female in real life? No. I have zero desire to be a female in real life. The quote below is a perfect example of me and what I am about:
fuckgenders. why can’t we just all dress how we want without labels and stupid values tricking people into fearing being artistic… we have such a short amount of time on this earth… I wanna live MY LIFE how I choose to. fuckjudgements and fear. –Jeffree Star.
Secondly I am a very passionate person, especially when it comes to something I believe in. So much so, its often off putting. I’m like the energizer bunny, just going and going, paying no attention to what im crashing into or damaging. A few days ago something happened that I am still very displeased with but cannot go into many details as its more trouble than its worth. I will just say this; I retaliated back at something that was said behind my back with a low blow(as I was hit with one first) and found myself in a tough spot. Historically whenever I have stood up for myself, it back fires and suddenly im being looked at oddly and talked to less. I often liken myself to a wrecking ball; smashing away then when the dust settles I find myself totally alone. The person I had/have this issue with isn’t a friend or even an a quittance; just someone I was speaking to for the second time ever. I was saying a joke(telling isn’t the right phrase, it was more like a long dialogue so I just use saying cause it fits better) that wasn’t heard properly and escalated from there. I always do jokes/comedy in my daily life, its my defense mechanism. It’s how I survived some of the darkest points in my life. My comedy is always from a good place, though. I never mean anything that I say in a malicious manner, yet what was said against me(behind my back) was. I think thats what really bothers me, that this person didn’t know me, or all of the facts and behaved that way, using slurs against me. Even as I type this, I feel those unpleasant emotions resurfacing and its a place I long to be far from. So I let the situation go, wrote and notecard apologizing if they thought I was being disrespectful, as I wasn’t in the least. I was/am genuinely sorry they thought what I said was something it wasn’t. I went to drop off the notecard on said profile, saw the groups and a switch flipped in my brain; how could this person(with groups that shall be unnamed) take a moral high ground against me for a joke they didn’t even hear the full context of? So I deleted the notecard and started over. I was harsh and cruel when I had no right to be. I sent the notecard which was thankfully intercepted, as it would have cause way more trouble that it was worth. See I did to this person what so often happens to me; I judged them. I judged on what they liked, did or asserted themselves to be. While I was tearing into them, I was also tearing the stitches that held my argument together to shreds. It was only much later I realized what I had done. Instead of listening to my friends, I pushed forward with my emotions, instead of my brain.
My moral of this story is this; no matter who are you or what you chose to be or do, its your secondlife. Do what makes you happiest.
“Forget the haters, cause somebody loves ya” -Miley Cyrus