Lately I have found myself at odds with a lot of things. Mostly speaking up for myself in the best way without alienating others. This will more than likely be a lengthy read, so I do apologize in advance, but there are somethings that I have to address.

Firstly I’ll start this post out answering a few questions I am asked almost on a daily basis starting with: why do you play a female avatar when you are a male in real life?

Well children that is a very simple thing to answer: because I want to. I’ve always had a knack for Fashion and Second Life provides me with an outlet for the fashion/feminine/artsy side of my personality to flourish. The manner in which this question is asked is more often than not, hostile. Which brings me to a question that accompanies the first; So you want to be a female in real life?  No. I have zero desire to be a female in real life. The quote below is a perfect example of me and what I am about:

fuck genders. why can’t we just all dress how we want without labels and stupid values tricking people into fearing being artistic… we have such a short amount of time on this earth… I wanna live MY LIFE how I choose to. fuck judgements and fear. –Jeffree Star. 

Secondly I am a very passionate person, especially when it comes to something I believe in. So much so, its often off putting. I’m like the energizer bunny, just going and going, paying no attention to what im crashing into or damaging. A few days ago something happened that I am still very displeased with but cannot go into many details as its more trouble than its worth. I will just say this; I retaliated back at something that was said behind my back with a low blow(as I was hit with one first) and found myself in a tough spot. Historically whenever I have stood up for myself, it back fires and suddenly im being looked at oddly and talked to less. I often liken myself to a wrecking ball; smashing away then when the dust settles I find myself totally alone. The person I had/have this issue with isn’t a friend or even an a quittance; just someone I was speaking to for the second time ever. I was saying a joke(telling isn’t the right phrase, it was more like a long dialogue so I just use saying cause it fits better) that wasn’t heard properly and escalated from there. I always do jokes/comedy in my daily life, its my defense mechanism. It’s how I survived some of the darkest points in my life. My comedy is always from a good place, though. I never mean anything that I say in a malicious manner, yet what was said against me(behind my back) was. I think thats what really bothers me, that this person didn’t know me, or all of the facts and behaved that way, using slurs against me. Even as I type this, I feel those unpleasant emotions resurfacing and its a place I long to be far from. So I let the situation go, wrote and notecard apologizing if they thought I was being disrespectful, as I wasn’t in the least. I was/am genuinely sorry they thought what I said was something it wasn’t. I went to drop off the notecard on said profile, saw the groups and a switch flipped in my brain; how could this person(with groups that shall be unnamed) take a moral high ground against me for a joke they didn’t even hear the full context of? So I deleted the notecard and started over. I was harsh and cruel when I had no right to be. I sent the notecard which was thankfully intercepted, as it would have cause way more trouble that it was worth.  See I did to this person what so often happens to me; I judged them. I judged on what they liked, did or asserted themselves to be. While I was tearing into them, I was also tearing the stitches that held my argument together to shreds. It was only much later I realized what I had done. Instead of listening to my friends, I pushed forward with my emotions, instead of my brain. 

My moral of this story is this; no matter who are you or what you chose to be or do, its your secondlife. Do what makes you happiest.

“Forget the haters, cause somebody loves ya” -Miley Cyrus

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2 thoughts on “We are who we are

  1. You showed this person much more consideration and kindness than it sounds like they gave you. Take pride in taking the high road, and never apologize for who you are, no matter which “you” you are.

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